Permanent Sobriety is Selfish

A bold statement?

Have you given up? Did you give up for your family? Did your partner ‘persuade’ you to give up? Did you give up to do better at work? Did you stay sober? Thought not.

I’ve tried to give up countless times. I’ve been ‘nagged’. I’ve been told to think of ‘seeing your children grow up’. Of meeting your first grandchild and enjoying a relationship with him/her. I’ve thought about how much better I could perform at work if those first few hours of the day were spent in a more lucid state.

I never stayed sober long.

Last year in January with my grandson imminent (he arrived a year ago today so I know his sex/gender now.) I took some sick time off work. Ostensibly I was stressed. A lot of things had built up over the previous 18 months and I wasn’t coping. However I couched it in such a way to my GP that my drinking was out of control (true) and with me soon becoming a grandfather I needed to reign it in and quit. She agreed, signed me off for a fortnight and gave me a couple of numbers to call. No medication. I thought great! I can do this. I really though I could do it for my soon to appear grandchild.

I didn’t.

All day alone at home what else could I do but drink? I actually think I got worse during this time. So much for doing it for the grandchild!

A few weeks ago I was playing golf with my brother-in-law. Our first round of the season. Only 9 holes as we’re both getting on a bit. Approaching the fourth tee I was out of breath. Dying on my feet! This was not the first time I’d noticed my fitness was waning but this made me think and prioritise. This was when I made MY escape plan.

This time I’m doing it for myself and I know I’ll succeed.

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